7 weeks + 1 day: A special milestone

As we pass this point in our pregnancy, I want to celebrate and honor the spirit of the baby that didn't make it in our previous pregnancy.  On July 15, 2012 -  when we were in the emergency room and learning we had a life-threatening ectopic (tubal) pregnancy, we were at 7 weeks.  We didn't know we were still pregnant, because we thought I had had a miscarriage 2 weeks prior.  When the emergency ultrasound tech did an examination, they couldn't see through all of the internal bleeding to know for sure it was a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.  They wouldn't know for certain until they were doing emergency laparoscopic surgery and removing what we were later told was "a very large ectopic pregnancy".

For all of the fear and physical pain leading up to the surgery, we had been doing our best to think scientifically about the loss of our pregnancy while still thinking it was a miscarriage:  "It's was nature's decision." or "This is very common."  So, part of the recovery from the surgery was emotional for me.  It was the acknowledgement that there still was a baby in there - it just didn't find it's way to the right place.  Learning it still had a heartbeat, was continuing to develop, and was so determined to make it even under the circumstances was really, very sad for me.  It took quite a few months to realize that and it was part of my complete recovery after the surgery.  Now, I accept that there is a spirit out there that was created by Jerry and I, and that we might be able to meet in paradise someday.

So - as we celebrate this moment in our current pregnancy, I also honor what was the possibility of the one that didn't make it.  It has left it's mark in our lives and is still special to us.